Kamala Harris and misunderstanding “Momala”
As media attention on Kamala Harris intensifies, there’s potential for a misunderstanding about an aspect of her personal life — one concerning her family.
Harris’s husband, attorney Douglas Emhoff, was formerly married for 25 years to film producer Kerstin Emhoff. They had two children: son Cole and daughter Ella.
Emhoff remarried in 2014, and reportedly, the Emhoff children call Sen. Harris “Momala” because they don’t like the term “stepmom.” Besides rhyming with Harris’s first name, “Momala” is also a nod to the father’s Jewish heritage: mamaleh, in Yiddish, means little mama.
When Joe Biden announced his pick of Kamala Harris as his running mate, Douglas Emhoff’s ex-wife tweeted: “Great choice,” with applause emojis. She was not being sarcastic. Not only do the former and current Mrs. Emhoff get along: They also are enthusiastic co-parents to Ella and Cole, now 19 and 24.
Here’s where a misunderstanding could arise: Some people, looking at the Emhoff/Harris family, might think that in order for divorcées to successfully co-parent, they need to be pals.
That is not so — any more than Republicans and Democrats need to be BFFs to work together for the sake of our nation.
What divorcing parents need to do, as much as possible, is put aside their grievances, their feelings of injury, and any resentment they have toward each other for the sake of their children. They need to resist doing things like badmouthing the other parent to the children and sabotaging visitation to create drama.
That’s not as hard as it sounds when both parents agree to do it — when both parents see the benefits of doing so.
When parents turn their divorce into a private war — one in which their children become weapons, or foot soldiers — the children become at risk for a host of problems: depression, anxiety, eating disorders, impaired performance at school, even substance abuse and self-harm.
It does not have to be that way.
Divorce — even a so-called “amicable” one — inevitably is painful and stressful. But more potentially damaging to children than the fact of divorce is the way parents handle the divorce and its aftermath.
It’s not always intuitive or apparent to divorcing Moms and Dads to know to co-parent or parallel parent for the sake of their children.
For those divorcing parents not required by state law to take some kind of education module on the effect of divorce on children, there are books, videos, family counseling, and possibly classes the parents may take voluntarily.
To return to a political analogy: When we elect men and women to office, we want them to go to work for us and get things done. We don’t want them to get nothing done because they bog themselves down in petty bickering, gamesmanship, and histrionics.
Children want the same thing from their parents — whether Mom and Dad are married, divorced, or remarried.
Kamala Harris, Douglas Emhoff, Kerstin Emhoff, and Cole and Ella Emhoff all deserve credit for their successfully blended family.
But make no mistake: They couldn’t do it if they didn’t all work together.
Tim Lemire is a writer based in Providence, RI.
